Who the F***K is that on the Goddamned Roof?

What is there to say that hasn’t already been said? Seriously.
Since birth we’ve been bombarded by Gangsterish Xmas messages subtle and some not-so, voracious ad campaigns feeding on the young and innocent (by the way…do those exist anymore?), rampant hard sell Sales tactics promoting love, peace, brotherhood, happiness and, above all, SHOPPING all force fed and mainlined into a quasi-Christian/Pagan Holiday Season designed to deceive/reward our most childlike and fallible instincts then, over decades of concentrated Retail effort, honed to perfection and burned into our brains by every person you’ve ever believed in and every person you’ve never believed in and their brother.

Resistance is futile!

The War on Santa Claus cannot be won!

The Xmas Zombies are Legion and cannot be beaten by any conventional force.

This is DefCon 5!

We must go NUCLEAR!

HIT THE BUTTON!

Wait…….wait…………….wait.

What am I saying? OK….OK……OK.

I surrender. It's the end of the year, I'm out of ammo and I've got some Very Important Drinking to do, so...............

This is for the greatest Gifts I've ever received- Every single one of the beautiful, caring, loving, smart, sharp, sexy women that it has been my intense and grateful joy to have loved, and unfortunately, lost. It can't be enough but then again, nothing could be.

And who better to bring the proper gravity to this titanically schmaltzy celebration than the King himself?



and that ain't no lump of coal!