Analogblog: December 2008

I'll try to keep it short and sweet.

I think we've all heard, viewed and been able to process.....over and over and over again, the comedy that was the President Bush/Muntadhar al-Zeidi Show the other day in Baghdad (well, some things are always good for a laugh) and just about every pundit, pol and otherwise talking-head has chipped in their 2 cents so I thought I'd take this tardy opportunity to add to the grubby little pile.

First off- My Iraqi Friends (I know you're out there) in my country we deeply respect and try at all times to maintain the Right to Protest and the Freedom of the Press (sometimes we get it right, sometimes not so much) and I fully realize that you need a Homegrown Hero right now and further that you're starved for candidates but.............

PLEASE!

A grown Man who, in apparently righteous anger, throws his shoes in order to.......to............to...........well, what exactly?
Make his sworn enemy crack up laughing while supplying him with a nifty little cocktail story for his goofy frat boy cronies back at the Ranch?
Give a giggle to millions of YouTubers everywhere as he catches a pumpkinhead from the, I'm sure, reliably well trained and competently restrained Iraqi Security goons?
Make it perfectly clear to one and all that he's fed up, not going to take it anymore and if need be, Dammit, will purchase yet another pair of high-heels and lob them as well?
And miss?

I've read that the bitchpitching of one's kicks is considered a significant insult in Iraqi Culture, a culture that is thousands of years old, and indeed in many Buddhist, Muslim and Hindu countries the feet are considered unclean.....
but Fellas.........you're welcome to the 21st Century whenever you feel up to joining but, unfortunately, in this Era tossing your flip-flops at your foe just ain't gonna score you any points with the Big Kids, OK?
Or with the Ladies if you know what I mean. (winks suggestively)
If you wanna hurl something unclean try underwear, pre-used condoms or your Britney Spears' CD collection.

Take my entirely unsolicited but nevertheless sincere advice, if you want to be taken even somewhat seriously by anyone other than Airport Security or if you ever, ever want to get laid by a woman that doesn't happen to wear a veil (it's OK if you don't, whatever floats your boat, I'm just saying) then keep your Damn Hush Puppies on your feet where they belong.

And did I mention...

HE MISSED!

BUSH!!

TWICE!!!

This is Failure conceived in idiocy, nurtured by futility, sprinkled with jackass, polished with ineptitude, wrapped in infantile inadequacy, topped off with thoughtless, cross-eyed anger then lopsidedly aimed at perhaps the Largest, Lamest, Loser target in Presidential History.

META-FAIL!

And what do you have for an encore, Sir?

Gonna hold your breath? Stamp your feet? Take your ball and go home?

Well I for one say that a firm spanking may be in order or perhaps they should take away Mr. Zeidi's Wii privileges for a week or two. If they really want to get tough maybe an extended Time-out may be in order, oh.....I forgot....he's already facing that.
2-7 Years as a guest of the Progressive Iraqi Government (or whatever happens to pass for it these days) and we all remember how responsibly, solemnly and humanely they handled that Saddam execution so I'm sure you're in good hands LL- MaZ.

ATTABOY MUNTADHAR!

As for our Dearest Lame-Duck President Bush.

Mr. al-Zeidi may very well have provided you with your single most accomplished Highlight in those 8 long, long, long years in Office.
You alertly, nimbly and successfully dodged the pedal projectiles fired at you by a pudgy enemy reporter who definitely had his panties in a bunch and throws like one pissed-off girl.
What am I saying?

I know lots of girls who can throw better than that!

Way to go Bushie! You did a heckuva job!