I just felt like laughing my ass off (oops...sorry...I meant LMAO) today.....

So if you got 6 minutes and 20 seconds to spare while you bust a gut, then check out a genius at work.





If you ain't got 6 mins. then you're doing something wrong.


and for your further amusement as you burn the clock...

I first heard this bit when I was 11 years old and yea, it did fundamentally change my views on language.



I really hope all my ESL friends got a kick out of that tiny piece of linguistic history.

'Cuz it's Monday...That's why!

Every Campaign needs a Theme Song and here's my humble suggestion for/to Senator Obama.....

Sly and his Family Stone just getting the party started!




If your ass isn't shaking right now then check your pulse because you may be dead, really old or very, very white.
and Sly...if you're out there...C'mon Bro'!

Get it together one more time for Barack.

This is our Monday Bonus so maintain the vibe.

Deelite bringing it funky.



No Extra Charge!

Sometimes this stuff writes itself.....

Recently (2-8-08)I posted about my sexually predatory hero Mary Kay Letourneau, her various trials and numerous tribulations and some, if not all, manners of sexual assault, gender specific rules and ……………….love……………….and stuff.

Little did I know that I had opened the floodgates.

This week in that great state of South Carolina 23 yr. old H.S. Teacher extraordinaire Alenna Ward (white chick…..yea…….act surprised) was convicted of multiple counts of deviance most sexual with not only 1 but up to 5 (talk about diligence) of her 14-15 yr. old charges. My gal got sentenced to 6 yrs. in the S.C. shithouse for her indiscretions. The Kids? They're busy high-fiving each other, bragging and reviewing the videotape. Damn.
Now I’ve went a long way for some good pussy but 6 years!
Did I write DAMN?

Meanwhile in Virginia (it’s for Lovers, you know) that shining example of good judgement Natasha Sizow (take a look at her pic....see a pattern here?) was busted for graciously sending illicit (the Law called the images indecent but I would challenge that ruling...I personally think it was very decent of her to share) images of her own sweet self to some of her grateful student body. Do they get extra credit for that?
Way to think ahead Lady!
The only comment I have is this- Where were these generous gals when I was steadily beating my meat throughout my lonely freshman year?

And in other news…

The U.S. Navy just blasted a potentially hazardous satellite out of the very far reaches (at least 130 miles) of outer space.
On the first attempt!
They actually did something right!
I guess somebody was eating their Wheaties.
Of course certain countries (Russia and China to name a couple) have taken issue with this action but……
Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.


What these two stories have to do with each other is your guess.

Odds and Ends-Politics/Schmolitics Edition

Well, it's been almost 8 years and what feels like 140 miles of bad road but the end, thankfully, is near. Yes, one way or another we're gonna change horses so in that hopeful spirit...


Do you ever get the feeling that Hillary is wearing a Human Being mask which, only after victory, she’ll peel off to finally reveal her ghoulish, hideous, ravenous, dripping-with-slime, Alien face then cackle maniacally, triumphantly,

“Ha, Ha.....HA! At last… your delicious children are MINE.....ALL MINE!”
No?
Forget it then, I guess it’s just me.



When Edwards lost South Carolina he was doomed, yet, somehow I don't think that he's a bad guy or a bad choice. Is he ever going to get his shot?
It's all about timing kid.
Timing.



I am not acquainted with the team or leaders in front of, or behind, the Juggernaut that is the Obama Campaign (although they e-mail me almost daily to scrounge money, perhaps I should pay more attention) but whoever it is, whatever they’re paying ‘em…......it ain’t enough!



If I had a chance to meet Senator McCain I would definitely consider it an honor and a privilege to shake his hand.
And you know what?
It’s one raw deal that he got shot down while flying over Vietnam on a bombing run (runs which he himself had begun to question after the terrible Forrestal incident) then was subsequently imprisoned and tortured by the brutally pissed off VC and had to walk through Living Hell before finally marching back home. But he voluntarily signed up for his Navy gig, as I’m sure he would agree, only to get stuck with the tab while slackers like “W” stayed home and partied like it was 1969. Breaks don't get any tougher than that.
And while I’m positive that even at the advanced age of 71 he could still open up a rock solid 6-pack of whip ass on any of the candidates, all this doesn’t mean (and never should) that he’s got dibs on the keys to the White House.
My admiration for Senator McCain is boundless.
But this year is '08.


On a similar note- Romney, Huckabee and the Guy from “Law and Order”? Seriously?? That’s the absolute best and brightest you Repubs could dig up out of your Alumni Rolls???
You GOPers better be Damn grateful Senator McCain is on your team and, while we’re at it, you might want to seriously consider opening up the sacred gates of your Country Clubs because your side definitely needs some new blood.



When newspapers die (and let’s make no mistakes, they all will one day much too soon) then I will too.



And now for the important news.....



I have finally, absolutely, decisively and completely given up any hope of ever seeing the World Series being played at Wrigley Field in my lifetime. If this impossibility were ever to occur I would fully expect the End of The World to swiftly follow.
But as long as the Cubbies won it in 7 I’d shout to the heavens-

“CUBS WIN…,CUBS WIN!”

What more can I say......

It's the very best of both my Worlds.

Scorsese and The Stones wrapped in one beautiful mashup.

Enjoy.....



Brought to you free of charge from the Goodfellas at

blackeyefilms

Many thanks.....

Odds and Ends- No. 1 Boom Boom Edition Part II

Tomorrow I will have spent 4 and one half Decades on this Planet and while it is painfully true that I don’t know a whole Hell of a lot more than I did when I started, like the Blues Man said-
I know a little ‘bout Love…….and Baby I can guess the rest!


It is said that Men fear intimacy. If this is true then I must be an anomaly. What is the point if not those blissful moments afterward when you can hold each other, kiss, coo, touch, lick, smooch, smack, squeeze, grab, hug, hold and, at last, boldly stare into the eyes/soul of the one person on Earth who has just made you explode in very real passion for this very real world?
Maybe I’m the wrong generation......



Perhaps I lack imagination but I have never subscribed to the almost universal male fantasy of two women at once. Call me stupid but I can never understand the beat of it- I only got one cock, what the hell do I need with two women simultaneous?
I guess I’m simpleminded but I like to concentrate my affections in one area at a time.



You know the other (perhaps not as prevalent) fantasy I don’t get?
The Virgin.
Yes, yes…..I understand the idea of conquering the pristine purity of a fresh flower but let me call it straight. I want a woman who knows what the hell she wants and knows what the hell she’s doing. I don’t necessarily need to, or want to, see your resume (please keep that history to yourself) but please do bring some experience to the task at hand. My sole experiment with the Virginal type boiled down to 2 days of frustration and patience for which, I found out, I was ill-equipped. At the end of this marathon of tooth grinding abstinence I finally slammed it home and her cherry (bless her Soul) was properly popped and all mine.
I sincerely do not mean to sound ungrateful but one of us learned a lot from that experience and it wasn’t me.



I’ve recently been drenched in a torrent of mystified pleas from lovely young ladies in the 28-31 yr. old (that pressure packed period) age group. The unsettling confusion is, alas, none too original here or, I’m guessing, anywhere.
“Why are there no Good Boyfriends?”
“Why doesn’t he want to get married?”
“Where are all the Good Men?”
The short answer to that last is, “We’re taken.” (Back Up…it’s a Damn Joke….get it?)
The long answer is, and I sometimes fear always will be, “We’re right here!”
Now to be agonizingly clear the vast majority of these Women that I am grateful but bewildered to encounter are slender, smart, sharp, capable, luscious, ripe, ready and not a single one of them mine. How my gender fails to scoop up this ubiquitous bounty of beauty is well beyond my understanding. I’m also perplexed as to exactly what the Ladies are waiting on while these Clowns rumble along tripping over their dicks but I’m almost always sure that what these beauties are seeking is directly in front of their faces if only they could see it through those cell phones they’ve got glued to their lovely noses.
Why we Adults all spend our lives tiptoeing around one another like 3rd graders at our 1st Big Dance is well beyond me but I know this for certain.
If…
1). He’s in his 30’s
2). You been giving him some Good Lovin’ for some period of time exceeding 3 months
3). You ain’t fat, ugly, stupid, crazy or greedy
4). He ain’t either
and…
5).He actually likes Women (not just Loves them but likes them too)
then…
If he hasn’t asked you to set up house together by right now…..
He ain’t gonna! Not Now. Not Ever! And if you really want to know why then I’ll tell you.
It’s because he’s waiting for something better (or at least younger) to come along. Think about that the next time you decide to drop down and make his toes curl! Men are little more than selfish Big Boys and will remain so for as long as we can manage to pull it off and then some but I know Good Men everywhere with hot wives and no complaints and I’m going to tell you a secret about us.
No Charge!
Getting married is about as difficult as riding a bicycle and, just like a bike, once you’ve done it you never forget how!
It’s Evolution, Comfort, Security and Love wrapped in one, admittedly tight, decidedly Adult, suffocatingly responsible package.
Women have consistently been the easiest choices I’ve ever made in my entire life and while I certainly haven’t always chosen wisely (who among us has?), my personal regret list vis-à-vis the Fairer Sex wouldn’t take one hand to completely calculate. If my batting average in all other walks of life were the same or similar, right now I’d be laying on my private beach in Thailand planning my next vacation while plotting my Takeover of The World.
Put it this way- If your boy takes less than a month to decide what car he wants to buy but a year just isn’t quite enough to choose a real live woman than that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about both of his heads.




Remember that crazy broad Mary Kay LeTourneau from a few years ago who was accused, arrested, convicted and jailed for sexually assaulting her then 14 yr. old student (she was 36) and then went on to get out, break conditions of her parole by grinding on said student by the side of the road, was returned to jail while pregnant with his child then did her time, again, came back to his open arms and eventually married the, at that time, 21 yr. old Mack Daddy?
This is a Love Story for all the ages.
What this woman went through to get some good dick inspires me, as a man, to tears of admiration.
This was a Woman in Love.
Now what if the situation was reversed?
A 36 yr.old Man nails his nubile Female 14 yr. old student?
They ain’t got holes deep enough to throw that fucker in if he’s caught. If he ever sees the light of day again you can consider him lucky as he mournfully cherishes his faded memories of ripe flesh and blossoming sex.
What’s the difference you ask?
It’s physiological and this is my point.
Villi was a Hero to his classmates- Not only did he capture the love of his older, whiter teacher but he actually (while all the rest were only dreaming I’m sure) fucked her! At his leisure and she came back, time and again despite tremendous hazards, for more and then some more.
If a man has sex with a curious 8th grader he will certainly (perhaps justifiably) be universally painted as a dangerous, lecherous, evil sex fiend preying on the young and much too innocent.
Why?
Because he has a cock that’s why.
You see MKL didn’t rape Big Villi, indeed she was, is, and never will be capable of same. This may be too simple for some but let it be said- Women cannot rape men, it is a physical impossibility.
Women are not equipped for sexual assault, harassment or any other sexual deviance because these crimes are dependant on physical invasion.
Physical violation.
They are the exclusive and guilty property of my gender and mine alone.
And this is at the heart of Our Male fear of Female infidelity and our somewhat casual attitude to our own behavior.
I know it’s Sex Ed 101 but the basic encounter leaves a man with an option a woman does not possess, i.e.
He can wipe it off, zip it up and pretty much forget about the whole equation if he so chooses, kind of like a bad meal which he'll never eat again.
For the woman…I don’t know. And I never will.
But our shock and awesome fear of Feminine infidelity is simply and earth shatteringly just that pure physiological reality in all its ugliness and terror.
You have allowed someone other than me to invade the sanctity of your precious body and take what once was mine and hopefully mine alone. This violation is permanent and cannot be rescinded. My life is forever altered in a way which I was not and cannot be prepared for. I am now, officially, less than I once was. You are now, officially, tainted goods and every moment of our life, every glance into your eyes hammers that fact home to me.
And because of this childish but true grasp on the nature of relationships I fear that although this world belongs to Us I have no doubt in my mind that We are the weaker sex so……….
Have mercy.




Death is around here somewhere……I can smell the Rotten Bastard even if I can’t see him but you want to know something?
If I can go with the memory of that time……….
That time we were in the Jacuzzi at the hotel…….
That time in front of our giant mirror when it was so cold outside…….
That time in the shower when we didn’t say a word……..
That 1st time when you kicked your shoes off and peeled your blouse…….
That time we were angry and hungry and mean…….
That time we were so tired and sick of it all…….
That time when you begged me to come inside you…….
Then……
Then……
I’ll be able to look that Fucker in the eye and tell him-
OK! I got my money’s worth.

And I'll be smiling at him.

To Lisa most of all

Here's a little CW ditty by some fresh faced lads from the other side of the pond. They titled it "Dead Flowers" and it pretty much says it all.



and if you can't enjoy the sweet genius of the Late Great Mick Taylor's beautiful magic then you ain't right.
Yea.....I said it.

In keeping with our CW vibe here's The Man doing a great cover of a Kristofferson number.
Welcome to "Sunday Morning coming Down"



Quit crying.........ok ........ok..........go ahead..........join me.

What the Hell...I got the Blues too.