Close but no Cigar!

Senator Clinton may not be half the Man her husband is but apparently her total recall skills are at least his equal.



And...

If you've got 6 precious minutes to kill then check out the words of a different brand of Senator from a not so very different time long ago.
The Message is not at all similar although the words are as resonant, fresh and real for now and always.




Not to go on and on but.....
Bobby seems AOK with me and just maybe he was onto something.

I'm leaving on a Jet plane.....and I'm pretty sure when I'll be back again.

But it won't be for a few holidaze so until then...

I hope you enjoy and indulge.

Cuz it's Monday...That's why!

and because Dr. John is good for whatever ails ya'!



Excuse me but right now I gotta go kiss a pretty girl.....'cuz if I don't do it somebody else will.


and here's your bonus Monday jolt to go along with your caffeine.



Absolutely No Charge!

Love and Marriage/The Real Deal

Finally after months of exhaustive research the results are in, all questions are answered, all doubts assuaged, the truth laid bare.
What are these fierce creations we call Love and Marriage? What is this strange beast we have so willingly nurtured? Where is this fully loaded freight train headed? What is our destination? Can we hop off? Must we stay on? Can we switch seats? Where’s the next stop?
Are we there yet?

Yes.
We are.

Perhaps not so surprisingly, the results of the Marriage Poll were sobering, enlightening, curious, calm, wicked and most certainly Adult (with a capitol “A”). Many responses were along the lines we expected, a few were tremendously shocking and most somewhere in the middle. Of course the Women were much more interesting than the Men but…….

We already knew that.

The similarities between our most opposite of Sexes?

The results indicate that we are most likely to be attracted to those mates which most clearly match our own personality and are inclined to bond ourselves to these partners. Of all the Women polled (stop the jokes right now) the vast majority (over 80%) seemed to prefer a mixture of strength, gentleness, creativity and a sense of humor as the most attractive qualities in their mate. The Men stated enthusiasm, honesty, energy and a sense of humor as theirs. So it would appear that the ability to crack a joke or gain a giggle is the surest path to the Altar for both boys and girls.
And seeing how this planet spins as we walk through our most modern world, the ability to laugh at our situation as we stumble along seems, at least to this observer, to be of the most vital importance over the long haul.
Shockingly, one respondent stated her husbands’ narcissism as his most attractive quality as it perfectly suited her own. Clearly a match made in Heaven.

The Women were surprisingly shy (or perhaps painfully honest) when evaluating their mates physical attributes. Many mentioned a good Smile or the Look in their Eyes as their mates’ main physical attraction. None referred to their husbands’ actual body. (sigh)

Of course the Men were a bit more……..earthy, to say the least.
Most men mentioned tits, ass or legs as their mates best physical quality while the minority did state lips, eyes and smile as their favorites.

The vital question/answer of Love and Money was strikingly similar although inverse. Of the female respondents almost all (99%) stated Love as a 10 in their relationship and this choice was the same for women married for 2 years or 20. The Money quotient was ranked slightly lower, almost always a 7, 8 or 9.
For the Men the answers were perfectly flipped. Money was almost always given a 10 while Love ran a very close second although certain males did give it a much lower ranking then their partners,
I may be alone, and definitely may be crazy, but I find these results encouraging, especially for those marrieds who are in their 2nd and 3rd decades. To imagine that a woman can still have Love in her heart after 20 years of living with me or any of us fills this particular male with hope and gratitude.

The differences?

Ahhhhh….the differences.

The results point to the fact that Men, while keeping their feet planted firmly on the ground in Public, are seemingly incapable of the same feat Privately.
Women? The reverse.
Almost all Men mentioned a constant, near unstoppable desire for other women and almost constant fantasies of same along with strong desires/designs to act out these fantasies.
The Women were much more measured in their responses although at least one sly little Newlywed, when queried as to whether or not she was attracted to Other Men, cleverly responded, "Not yet!"!
While most, and somewhat surprisingly primarily the older marrieds, stated an absolute matter-of-fact idea or desire for other men none stated any real intention to act out their particular fantasy nor any real design on same although a few made some very interesting qualifications.

Is this Good News or Bad News? Don’t know. I’m not touching this one.
But……

The other distinct difference- and this one was utterly, boldly, jarringly distinct- was the take on the…….dum da DUM DUM……..Exes.
The range of the Male response was wildly varied, indeed all 6 possible responses were chosen numerous times, from exciting to frightening to history. It would appear that we men have certain inconsolable issues when contemplating the specter of the Ex.

The Ladies?
Guys…hold onto your seats.

Almost all (98%) coldly and boldly listed their Exes as History.
Yes, fellas, our worst fears have come true.
She has absolutely forgotten us and moved on. We are a distant, easily disposable memory. We might not have existed at all in the 1st place.
Our sole consolation remains, as always, well…..at least I got to hit it! And yes, we must desperately cling to this fading memory because our future chances are 3- nil, null and void.

The Final Evaluation
As always, no answers and lots of questions. It would appear that we, all of us, enter willingly into this State of Matrimony and, much more hopefully, once having jumped the broom make no small effort to maintain the sanctity of our Unions. We seem to cherish these bonds and engage in every endeavor to strengthen and lengthen our lives together however misguided our attempts may sometimes be and despite the results of some of our best experiments, we most often make that maximum effort to please our partners doubtless in the sincere hope that we will be similarly pleased.
In short, this is a thoroughly Human system but it ain’t broke so let’s not fix it.

The cards have been dealt. Is our hand perfect?
Of course not, and please try to stop laughing. Perfection exists in Nature and Art and Marriage is neither one or perhaps, more accurately, a mixture of the two and it’s our task, and ours alone, to mold this two-headed monster into a domesticated animal that can approximately be called Life.
A Life together.
And then the Future.
It’s Evolution at its finest.
Yea…..it’s rough out there but…..please remember and never forget….
we ain’t in it alone.
And for the fellas?
Man…every day we get to wake up to a pretty girl within arms reach.
Beat that!

Client No. 9...Client No. 9......Client No. 9

Former N. Y. Governor Eliot Spitzer resigned his post a few hours ago amid mounting pressure (keep those giggles down) from Democrats and Republicans alike and doubtless did so also to avoid prosecution for Multiple Interstate Felonies. His political future and professional career are now officially shredded like confetti, though not quite as valuable, his long time enemies are celebrating wildly, his loyal friends weeping bitterly while the Former Golden Boy, as the poisonous icing on his crusading cake, has to return home to his 5th Ave. digs in Public disgrace with his wife waiting for him for Private retribution but probably not waiting for his mealy mouthed excuses.

And what was the his Great Sin, exactly?

It would appear that Mr. Spitzer enjoys the sexual company of young Ladies (WHAAAAAT…..SHOCKING! I don’t believe I know any other men like that) and is more than willing to pay, and pay handsomely, for any liberties he may take with these Young Entrepreneurs of the World’s Oldest Profession. If you want to crunch the numbers it comes down to around $4,300 for his last Date while Mr. Spitzer has further admitted to spending over $80,000 in the last 2 years to the same Escort Service. Of course the former States Attorney was fully aware at all times during his indiscretions that these Business transactions were against the Law and might possibly open him to prosecution under said Laws which he himself had vigorously prosecuted in the past against parties that were at least equally guilty.

This is the definition of letting the Little Head do the thinking for the Big One.

But I am personally sorry to see Mr. Spitzer give up without much of a battle. You paid your money, now take your chances! Hell, Heidy Fleiss did her time without rolling over on anybody and you can’t even stand up to a Federal Wiretap? Show 'em you got a pair! Make ‘em prove it Eliot! And even if they can then just look that Judge square in the eye and say,
“Your Honor, C’mon…….did you get a good look at that broad?”

Now if I was sitting behind that Bench……
I’d solemnly intone in my best Moses-coming-down-from-the-Mountain-voice,
“Mr. Spitzer………..Let me see if I understand this situation correctly. You just paid $4,300 dollars for a Blowjob?
Sir...... you’ve suffered enough. Case dismissed.”

In conclusion I must add that I’ve monitored a great deal of what seems to be genuine feminine consternation on those old, much too familiar, much too trite subjects-

Why do Men cheat? (like ladies don’t?)
Why do Men visit Prostitutes? (because they’re there?)
What’s wrong with Men? (everything I guess…next question?)

OK.
Seriously, to all you inquiring Ladies of good taste and fine judgement.

Take a peek at a girl whose business goal is to give Men sexual pleasure.







Now take a gander at Silda.





Any Real questions?

'Cuz it's Monday.....That's why!

Ah......nothing like a little bit of the old ultraviolence to get the heart started on a dreary Monday.

Odds and Ends- Spring Fling Edition

I have underwear that lasted longer than my 1st marriage. Sometimes I wonder if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.


The other day a lovely young H.S. girl (and yes…she was wearing the uniform miniskirt you lecherous bastards) was exiting the subway station and she glanced at me as she passed. Our eyes met for perhaps a heartbeat. I was waiting at the corner for the light to change and so I took that opportunity to enjoy the sight of her long, lean, luscious legs and creamy teenage flesh floating down the street. As I was watching her walk away for some reason she turned her head and looked back directly into my eyes, again. I raised my gaze just in time to meet hers and it quite instantly looked as if someone had jammed a hot needle in her sweet ass. Shock! Horror!
She bolted!
I mean she came out of the gate like she was on fire and the last thing I saw was her heels barely touching the ground, poor Baby.
But you know…..I sort of like having that kind of face.



I’m sure that Hillary is………..a……….fine…………person and I’m absolutely certain that she is intelligent, capable, loyal, dedicated, determined, ambitious and a good Soldier for the Great State of New York.
But being married to The Man for 8 years (although a personal accomplishment you may justifiably take some pride in) does NOT go on your professional resume Senator Clinton, and I am deeply satisfied that Senator Obama finally hit the sirens and hauled her ass to the curb on that one.



What the Fuck (oops…check that…WTF) is with those people who display 8x10 glossies of their wives and children on their cheap desks in their grim little rathole offices so that any unlucky visitor is subjected and then held hostage to the gruesome vision of their fat wife and ugly kids.
Keep that painful shit at home, Holmes!
Yea..yea….yea, I get that it’s some type of sub-moronic carrot-and-stick motivation anchor but if you really need a fucking photograph to remind you that you gotta bring home the bacon just go ahead and hang yourself ‘cuz your life is going in reverse Brother.


And while we’re at it, this goes out with all my love to all those new parents out there-
No, as a matter of fact, I DO NOT want to see the brand new pictures of your spawn.
I mean……
Did I fucking ask you?



FaceBook is like a really long, really boring, really senseless job.



If there is a more hopeful, joyful, anything-is-possible World to live in than Spring Training Camp in Arizona (or any Spring Training really) than I want to check that out.
Can’t we just stay here forever?


Oh yea. I don’t know about anybody else but I’d take steroids, HGH and any other pill, powder or package I could get my paws on if it kept me in the game.



Hope may be a sickness, a virus, a universally genetic disease of the Human Condition.
It may be a trick, a trap, a clever mirage leading us all further into a barren desert.
It may be a sucker game for the short money Losers while the House rakes it in and gets fatter and fatter with the passing of each day as the rest of us slog home, beaten, busted and broke.
But if we ain’t got Hope…what do we got?
Cynicism, bitterness, hostility, distrust, smaller minds, stupid shortsighted decisions and a slightly more hateful World that’s already brimming with that particularly abundant human resource.
But you know what?
Sometimes Buster Douglas knocks Tyson flat on his ass and out!
Sometimes the Red Sox storm back from 3 games down to beat the Yankees in 7!
Sometimes a Chinese kid with nothing in his hands and only the Truth in his heart stands up to a rolling tank and the tank backs down!
Sometimes a levelheaded Judge orders a hysterical school board to drop the bullshit and enlist in the 21st Century.
Sometimes a pretty ragtag collection of outcasts decides they’ve had just about enough from the reigning Empire and comes together to kick those haughty bastards right out of their brand spanking new country.

And we better believe that most of the time Goliath crushes David like a bug, grinds him into the dirt and then laughs all the way to the bank, throne, boardroom, bedroom or White House.

I have no idea what I would do with myself if I didn’t have cynicism, suspicion, disdain and energizing anger as my constant companions but sometimes….
Even I got room in my bag for a little hope.