Tuesday, April 10, 2007

My Ex-Pat Manifesto...continued

Mr. and Mrs. Red State USA, the terrorists are not coming to get you!

Allow me to explain.

Let’s think of the world as a giant school and each nation as a student in our worldwide classroom. Right now (2007)the USA is the biggest, richest, youngest kid in the class and everyone knows it. Imagine a 700 lb. strong willed toddler who’s used to having his way in the School. Why? Because that’s the way he’s always had it. He's huge, powerful, infantile, lovable, dangerous and oblivious in equal measures. Of course, as in any school- intelligence, drive, discipline and hard work will allow most students to succeed but certain countries are going to excel despite any circumstances because they have the most (and a gold star to you if you guessed it) MONEY and RESOURCES. The Japanese kid, the German kid, the Swiss kid and to a lesser extent the English, French, Indian, Chinese, Spanish and Italian kids are all going to graduate even if their parents have to buy their way through and then they’re going to move on to their separate more or less successful careers. The African kids, the Mexican kids, the third world kids, they’re hanging on by a thread with little to no room for error, one small miscue and they’ll be flushed down the toilet forever. On the other hand there is almost nothing the Toddler from the USA can do that will harm his chances because he is the biggest of BMOC’s and even he knows this.
And what feelings does this aura of entitlement unwittingly encourage in other classmates? Envy, admiration, awe, malice, sycophancy and hatred in disproportionate amounts based on individual relations.

Where are the terrorists in this school? They have no place, they’ve been expelled, thrown out, discarded.

Now imagine the poisonous hatred of a mean little prick who has to sit on the sidelines and watch the other kids play nice with their spiffy uniforms in their fancy school with shiny classrooms and the best of everything while he can only press his nose up to the glass of a locked door, fuming and plotting his big day of revenge. Does this little bastard get help at home to assuage his anger? No he does not. Indeed at home his frustrating problems continue because he’s strapped with insane parents who not only don’t comfort him but, being religious fanatics who are sure that GOD is on their side, actually fan the flames of his hatred and encourage his fantasies of retribution against his enemies who, in truth, barely notice his existence or lack thereof. They fill his mind and soul with psychotic delusions based on their particularly peculiar mythology promising glorious revenge, revolution and one day, of course, his own school where his children are running the show.
So what is this scruffy, hungry, frustrated, passionately deluded urchin’s redress? Will he burn down the school? No. The job is too big and he is too small. Will he kill all his enemies as he insane parents have promised him? Never happen. There are too many and he is always making more. Will he one day enroll in “the School” himself and exert his will from the inside. Not a chance in Hell. His fanatic family has ensured his social blindness and enslaved his malleable little mind so completely that he cannot even dream dreams other than those of twisted paradise for “the True Believer” sold to him by crazed fundamentalists who worship only God and despise everyone else.

But because he is hopelessly trapped in his passion, anger and determination you know what? Every once in a while he’s going to get up the nerve to sneak into the playground and kick someone right in the balls before he runs away in joyous celebration.
Every now and again he’s going to nail one of the kids in the playground smack in the head with a rock he’s thrown from across the street with minimum skill but maximum hate then celebrate his glorious victory against his oppressor.
From time to time he’s going to flatten some tires in the parking lot, break some big expensive windows and pull the fire alarm so that every damn one of us has to march out of the school and mill around like cattle while he hyperventilates behind the bushes as he slips his slingshot out of his back pocket and takes aim.
Is it gonna sting? You’re damn right it is but he has absolutely no chance of closing the school and he never, EVER WILL!
Only occasionally will he ever he be captured and only then wrestled to the ground while he spits in your eye and curses your Mother. Lock him up and he’ll spend his days praying for strength and waiting for his now much more specific revenge.

But breathe easy Mr. and Mrs. Red State because the vicious little son-of-a-bitch is not coming to bomb your strip mall, blow up your corn silo, burn down your Wal-Mart or sabotage your satellite dish. His ultimate accomplishment (and he's already achieved it) will only be the most minor of footnotes in your otherwise busy day.
He’s not the seething, bestial Hun at the gate gnashing his teeth while waiting to tear down your civilization and eat your babies.... he’s only,-and can only be- the pathetic, desperate, starving junkie thug looking to score................... and what is his drug? God is his drug and religion his fix which leads me back to-

to be continued...................

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