Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Love and Marriage/The Real Deal
Finally after months of exhaustive research the results are in, all questions are answered, all doubts assuaged, the truth laid bare.
What are these fierce creations we call Love and Marriage? What is this strange beast we have so willingly nurtured? Where is this fully loaded freight train headed? What is our destination? Can we hop off? Must we stay on? Can we switch seats? Where’s the next stop?
Are we there yet?
Perhaps not so surprisingly, the results of the Marriage Poll were sobering, enlightening, curious, calm, wicked and most certainly Adult (with a capitol “A”). Many responses were along the lines we expected, a few were tremendously shocking and most somewhere in the middle. Of course the Women were much more interesting than the Men but…….
We already knew that.
The similarities between our most opposite of Sexes?
The results indicate that we are most likely to be attracted to those mates which most clearly match our own personality and are inclined to bond ourselves to these partners. Of all the Women polled (stop the jokes right now) the vast majority (over 80%) seemed to prefer a mixture of strength, gentleness, creativity and a sense of humor as the most attractive qualities in their mate. The Men stated enthusiasm, honesty, energy and a sense of humor as theirs. So it would appear that the ability to crack a joke or gain a giggle is the surest path to the Altar for both boys and girls.
And seeing how this planet spins as we walk through our most modern world, the ability to laugh at our situation as we stumble along seems, at least to this observer, to be of the most vital importance over the long haul.
Shockingly, one respondent stated her husbands’ narcissism as his most attractive quality as it perfectly suited her own. Clearly a match made in Heaven.
The Women were surprisingly shy (or perhaps painfully honest) when evaluating their mates physical attributes. Many mentioned a good Smile or the Look in their Eyes as their mates’ main physical attraction. None referred to their husbands’ actual body. (sigh)
Of course the Men were a bit more……..earthy, to say the least.
Most men mentioned tits, ass or legs as their mates best physical quality while the minority did state lips, eyes and smile as their favorites.
The vital question/answer of Love and Money was strikingly similar although inverse. Of the female respondents almost all (99%) stated Love as a 10 in their relationship and this choice was the same for women married for 2 years or 20. The Money quotient was ranked slightly lower, almost always a 7, 8 or 9.
For the Men the answers were perfectly flipped. Money was almost always given a 10 while Love ran a very close second although certain males did give it a much lower ranking then their partners,
I may be alone, and definitely may be crazy, but I find these results encouraging, especially for those marrieds who are in their 2nd and 3rd decades. To imagine that a woman can still have Love in her heart after 20 years of living with me or any of us fills this particular male with hope and gratitude.
The results point to the fact that Men, while keeping their feet planted firmly on the ground in Public, are seemingly incapable of the same feat Privately.
Women? The reverse.
Almost all Men mentioned a constant, near unstoppable desire for other women and almost constant fantasies of same along with strong desires/designs to act out these fantasies.
The Women were much more measured in their responses although at least one sly little Newlywed, when queried as to whether or not she was attracted to Other Men, cleverly responded, "Not yet!"!
While most, and somewhat surprisingly primarily the older marrieds, stated an absolute matter-of-fact idea or desire for other men none stated any real intention to act out their particular fantasy nor any real design on same although a few made some very interesting qualifications.
Is this Good News or Bad News? Don’t know. I’m not touching this one.
The other distinct difference- and this one was utterly, boldly, jarringly distinct- was the take on the…….dum da DUM DUM……..Exes.
The range of the Male response was wildly varied, indeed all 6 possible responses were chosen numerous times, from exciting to frightening to history. It would appear that we men have certain inconsolable issues when contemplating the specter of the Ex.
Guys…hold onto your seats.
Almost all (98%) coldly and boldly listed their Exes as History.
Yes, fellas, our worst fears have come true.
She has absolutely forgotten us and moved on. We are a distant, easily disposable memory. We might not have existed at all in the 1st place.
Our sole consolation remains, as always, well…..at least I got to hit it! And yes, we must desperately cling to this fading memory because our future chances are 3- nil, null and void.
The Final Evaluation
As always, no answers and lots of questions. It would appear that we, all of us, enter willingly into this State of Matrimony and, much more hopefully, once having jumped the broom make no small effort to maintain the sanctity of our Unions. We seem to cherish these bonds and engage in every endeavor to strengthen and lengthen our lives together however misguided our attempts may sometimes be and despite the results of some of our best experiments, we most often make that maximum effort to please our partners doubtless in the sincere hope that we will be similarly pleased.
In short, this is a thoroughly Human system but it ain’t broke so let’s not fix it.
The cards have been dealt. Is our hand perfect?
Of course not, and please try to stop laughing. Perfection exists in Nature and Art and Marriage is neither one or perhaps, more accurately, a mixture of the two and it’s our task, and ours alone, to mold this two-headed monster into a domesticated animal that can approximately be called Life.
A Life together.
And then the Future.
It’s Evolution at its finest.
Yea…..it’s rough out there but…..please remember and never forget….
we ain’t in it alone.
And for the fellas?
Man…every day we get to wake up to a pretty girl within arms reach.