Friday, July 25, 2008

Blind Man's Bluff


I recently read a brief post by a blogger whose writing I very much admire (Dues Ex Malcontent- All Hail the Queen) but this particular effort really threw me.

The post and its resulting commentary unfortunately and painfully reminded me again of the aggressively idiotic, circle-jerking, log rolling, Oprahesqe attitudes we must all be enslaved to and parrot ceaselessly in this current American PC environment should we ever decide to pop our heads up out of our comfortable holes and say something we know to be true, fair, righteous or, perhaps most unforgivably, accurate.
Yes, I've separated Truth from Accuracy because my Truth (while true) may not jibe with your version but accuracy.....
Accuracy cannot be denied, it is empirical and unquestionable except to the deluded, delirious and/or willfully braindead.

Example?

My truth- President Bush is a blissfully ignorant, shamefully fog-headed, dangerously uninformed, criminally incompetent, pathetically provincial and woefully unqualified Leader of the Free World.

Your truth may be slightly different.

What is Accurate?

The Economy is in the shitter and heading for a depression, the War in Iraq/Afghanistan can best be described (very charitably) as a now 7 year and extremely expensive running stalemate, the City of New Orleans has never recovered (and most likely never will) from a F*****g Storm, gasoline is 5$ a gallon, Osama bin Laden and his minions are doing just fine and Bush 2.0 firmly believes that he has faithfully fulfilled his obligations and so we must all of us say goodbye to him, perhaps forever, come November.

See the fine but significant difference between the two? Now let's press on.

Because my message today deals not in politics of the Washington brand but in the Social and Personal varieties and to get straight to the point-

What is with this hideously moronic idea/belief/injunction espoused by so many (and constantly trumpeted by the both Liberals and Conservatives alike but mostly Liberals) that “Everyone” is “Beautiful”, “Everything” is “Art”, and, further, that everyone is qualified and thus has a “Right” to do anything they desire, lest we take it to the Courts and the lawyers, despite any reasonable and right-headed circumstances to the contrary?

Cases in Point-

Fat, ugly and elderly women, indeed all women, must be loudly and publicly declared Sexually Attractive lest we be accused of misogyny then endlessly browbeaten and summarily punished by the actually sexy of that most fair gender. It is now impossible to admit (even to ourselves) that we have specific tastes and preferences and that these preferences trump any societally driven rules laid down by the reigning PC cognoscenti. And by the way, lest we slip up, should you be a Male who possesses a genuine genetic or acquired predilection for the obese (Plus-sized), fugly (appearance challenged) or Older (Mature) woman please don't think for a moment that this mandate gives you free reign to act on your desires..no, no! If you do that then you are a sexist or just another sex-obsessed male seeking to objectify her personhood, deny her humanity and enslave her sexuality.....Freak! Heal Thyself!


All Babies must be described as Beautiful Miracles from God lest you be lashed to a Cross and burned at the stake for being a Baby hating Satanic Worshiper when realistically, I'm almost sorry to say.....OK, I'm not.....very, very few babies (and even fewer Adults) are Beautiful.
The vast majority of slimy newborns look just about the same- Fat blobs of gooey baby flesh that may or may not, most likely not, turn into an attractive adult one day. Yet to be fair, and sensible, lots of us Adults (especially the Males) are downright ugly in appearance and there isn't too much we can do about it. Maybe most of us are somewhere in the Middle (some good days, some bad days, nothing much to write home about) and only an extremely small percentage (I'm going to offer less than 10%) are truly Beautiful.
Now, does that really hurt so much? Really?
Because if it does then open up a newspaper and read the entire World News section paying particular attention to events in the 3rd World. Then reassess your situation. Then deal.



Everything is Art and Everyone an Artist. OK. I'll make this one real simple.
Norman Mailer was a writer. I'm a blogger.
Marlon Brando was an actor. I fake it to make it.
Jimi Hendrix was a musician. I can play 3 Blind Mice on the harmonica.
Diego Rivera was an Artist. I occasionally scribble drawings of Naked Chicks.
Get the Picture?



Every Citizen is entitled to do Everything and Anything his twisted little heart desires with Logic and Common Sense banished forever from our privileged lives lest it infringe on our more insanely goofy aspirations that Hollywood Movies have taught us are not only true, but also our inevitable and glorious destiny.
And so we have Blind Hunters in Texas (YES, BLIND! Not vision-impaired or sightless or any other softheaded bullshit...the Motherfuckers are walking around with loaded shotguns and they can't see their hands in front of their faces), Legally Blind Drivers in 34 of our United States (please tell me you're surprised), rampant Celebutards with legions of parasitic paparazzi who track their every meaningless movement, the WNBA and, of course and inevitably, no standards anywhere, plummeting grades everywhere but never fear because we've successfully abolished any losers in Youth athletic contests and all children must now receive the required “Achievement” awards instead.
And then we get G. W. Bush in the White House. For 8 years.
I Believe I Can Fly!


The mirror in front of us is not an apparition to be avoided at all costs, it is not a tax to be beaten, bested, broken or bought.
It's a test.
It's a Truth.
It's the most real of Laws and the Grim Reaper is gonna slap the cuffs on all of us sooner rather than later.

But, if we're living right, we can make that old bastard sweat.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

'Cuz it's Monday.....That's Why!

And if Lemmy can't get your Motorhead started then...

Jack.....YOU DEAD!



Love the rhyme scheme-

"That's the way I like it,

I DON'T WANTA LIVE FOREVER!"

Could not have possibly said it better myself.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Just a Thought...


Anyone hear about the US "Hostages" released in Columbia last week? Yea...me neither.
I found what little details there were sketchy at best and I definately found the comprehensive and almost complete lack of news coverage very, very...........shall we say............curious?

Here we have one of those ''Made-for-TV-Feel-Good-All-The Way-USA'' stories that news outlets, especially Fox, love to snap up and then run with interminably until you' re forced to regurgitate the sloppy mess because it's been rammed down your throat every hour for 2 weeks running.


AMERICAN HOSTAGES FREED IN DARING RAID!



It practically ''screams ''All-American Patriotism yet somehow nary a peep was to be heard.


I smell rat.


These American hostages were captured in 2003 when they were "on an anti-drug mission" in Columbia. It has been mentioned in the Chicago Sun Times (although no other newspaper that I can find so they're either way ahead of everyone else or badly misinformed) that the hostages were "working" for US Army South.


US Army South?


We've got a corporate division attached to the United States Army suddenly? Stationed where? Doing what? To Whom?


Gentle Readers it appears that, YES, indeed there is a branch of the US Army called US Army South and its HQ is currently in Fort Sam Houston, Texas. Originally formed in 1904 to protect the Panama Canal and American interests (read Big Business) there the Division now is tasked with......well.....I don't know and I was unable to find their most recent Mission Statement anywhere. The closest I can figure is that they are there to protect us from dangerous Neighbors and rogue Nations South of the Border, well, south of Mexico anyway. No... No, they're not the Border Patrol, that's a different Team. They're more like.....um....sort of a private Government Army funded by your taxes and mandated with............ah..............who knows but the point is that they're obviously ANTI-DRUGS and have no time to be bothered with that pesky situation in the Middle East, that's a different Company. USS has got much more '' important'' work to do!


So..........Allow me to quickly review.


We've got 3 guys (sometimes described as'' Military Contracters''...sorry, but no news outlet has described them as soldiers or businessmen or diplomats or as anything clearly understood or identifiable) flying around the jungle in US Airplanes who are somehow captured by the Communist FARC Revolutionaries/Terrorists while on an "Anti-Drug Mission", held hostage for 5 years (longer than any other American anywhere), almost miraculously saved and returned to their Homeland and then...wait for it....No One has anything to say about anything nor wishes to speak to anyone in any detail concerning any circumstances?


No background, no press conference, no interviews, no features, no follow-ups???


I'm no conspiricy theorist (really, I'm not- Boothe shot Lincoln, there are no aliens in Area 51, the Saudi Terrorists knocked the Towers down and yes...Oswald was the Lone Gunman!) but this one is 2+ 2 = 5.


So let me straighten out the Math.


Us Army South = CIA


3 "Military Contracters" = CIA operatives/drug/gun runners


Anti-drug Mission = Drug Mission


Freed in Daring Raid = Ransomed, brokered or traded up before the shit finally hit the fan.


Ingrid Betencourt = Bonus irrelevant French Broad


And, last but certainly not least,

No significant News Coverage = Lap Dog News Agencies asleep at the wheel while licking the Dick that feeds them.


There. So much easier to calculate, isn't it?


Hang on a sec.........someone's pounding on my door.


Gotta Go!

Sunday, July 6, 2008

28 Days Later


Nearly one month after No. 1 Roger Federer, the Crown Prince of Tennis, absorbed a brutal beatdown from the upstart No.2 Rafael Nadal on the red clay of the French Open, the pair went at it again yesterday on the sparse green grass of the All-England Club to decide this year's Wimbledon Champion.

It was worth the wait.

Mother Nature herself seemed incapable, or perhaps unwilling, of doing little more than delaying the inevitibility of this Classic Showdown. And nothing could more clearly describe the differences between the two Athletes as when they took the court for the first time after the 1st of 3 rain delays.
Federer- Graceful, serene, elegant in his throwback cardigan as he reviewed his Kingdom yet conversely retaining the solidity of a Lunchbucket Joe just here to do his job, albeit do it better than anyone on the Planet.
Nadal- Bouncing, sprinting, strutting, stalking, a perpetual motion Man with all the manic energy and raging gusto of a tough kid who just can't wait to climb in the ring and punch it out.
Federer- The cool, powerful and precise Righty.
Nadal- The explosive, tricky and tough Lefty.
Federer- The older Veteran Champion.
Nadal- The younger hungry Challenger to the Crown.

The 1st game was out of the Champions playbook as he dominated with his serve and his powerful forehand, allowing Nadal only one single burp of a point, and cruised effortlessly to take the game.
But on this day the Kid had eaten his wheaties and it was all downhill for Roger in that initial set. Nadal continually displayed solid unshakeable service to match his fantastic all-around game and terrific timing as he mauled Federer time and again, stealing a crucial 3rd game service break from the Champ before eventually putting his foot to the floor and decisively taking the 1st set, 6-4.
If the crowd was somewhat suprised, and definately delighted, at the 1st set results the suprise ended for them in the 2nd as Nadal turned up the heat and hounded Federer all over the court.

By then it was Roger's turn to be suprised.

Tennis Heads (and I'm not one of them) can certainly say what they want but the Champ at times looked frustrated and stymied by Nadal's ferocious game and steely will. Nadal continually beat back service break points while never failing to capitalize on his enemies service lapses. In addition, Federer frequently, and at the worst moments, displayed a heretofore unknown penchant for the unforced error even as Nadal's game grew more confident and steady as the match wore on, handily snatching the 2nd set from the jaws of defeat (he was down 1-4 before he stormed back), to the outright joy of the crowd this time around, 6-4 (again) with Regal Roger quite suddenly down 2 sets to none and his back pressed firmly against the wall by the ravenous Spanish Wolf Nadal.

Let me just add my admiration for both players at this point.

Because this was one of those very rare Head-to-Head Matchups in Professional Sports where no other Player could've or would've given the other guy such spectatcular fits, one of those cases of the Gentleman facing you being the Only Man Alive who could stretch the other to such Superhuman limits. This was Ali/Frazier, McEnroe/Borg, Jabbar/Walton and both Men were more than equal to the challenge and more than ready to duel to the End.

Nadal pumped up the pressure in the 3rd but both combatants brilliantly and gallantly held service until 5-4 (Federer) and then the rain.....
and the waiting......

It was 2am by this time (over in J-land) and this Kid had a date with the Sandman so......

This morning I woke to the news of an incredible 4 hour plus 5th set Nadal victory in the twilight of Center Court.
How Federer got it that far I can't imagine but, after witnessing more than half the battle, I can easily believe.

So tonite I'm hunting replays and getting set to treat myself to the Greatest Wimbledon Finish since Borg/McEnroe way back in 1980. I was around for that one and stayed glued to the tube for every glorious moment of their fabulous 5th set tiebreaker and trust me, it was worth every second of it.

The Great News?

This one is too!

All Praise the Gods of Tennis...Our Prayers have finally been answered!

Saturday, July 5, 2008

HAPPY 4TH of JULY WEEKEND!

And in keeping with that solemn occasion, I humbly offer this feel good little number from some clean-cut All-American Boys, deliciously mashed for your BBQing pleasure with a couple of the more light-hearted holiday Movies from the last 3 decades or so.

Here's "Search and Destroy".

Enjoy.



Tilt 'em back for the Good Ole U S of A!