Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Interview with Jesus- Part 1

As part of a new and exciting feature of AnalogBlog, we are proud to present this first in a series of Personality Profiles and Interviews with prominent figures of the Past and Present.
But mostly the Past. (due to certain legal restrictions)
And so, as they say, without further ado-

Well what can I say to start this one off.....obviously someone who needs no introduction and has been for Centuries World renowned as a Philosopher/Savior/Messiah and All-Around Good Guy.......

AB: Mr. Jesus Christ, Thank you for sharing some time with us today and welcome to AnalogBlog.

JC: Thank you for having me Billy...and Jesus is just alright with me. (winks)

AB: Our pleasure. OK, Jesus it is.....although I stated that you needed no intro I guess I'm gonna try to sum up your, well, career for the 2 or 3 people out there who haven't yet heard of you.....

JC: (beaming, nods encouragement)

AB: You were born dirt poor in Bethlehem, a small town in what was then Jerusalem, about 2,000 years ago, give or take, to a carpenter named Joseph and a virgin named Mary (we'll get into that later) then had what was by all accounts a fairly normal childhood before establishing yourself as a leading Prophet/Revolutionary sometime in your early 30's as you rapidly gained a sizable and dedicated following along with unfortunate persecution from the Government before being falsely accused, arrested, convicted and crucified by the Roman Empire only a few years into your peaceful campaign, a ghastly death that oddly enough lead to your lionization, deification and eventual global preeminence these thousands of years later.....and now you're certainly one of the world's most recognized, if not always agreed upon, icons of religious faith and moral/ethical righteousness.
How's that feel today?

JC: (shrugs, grins bashfully) Well I'm absolutely humbled and grateful but I do want to straighten a few of the more minor details out before we all get too far off track here.

AB: The Virgin Birth thing, you mean?

JC: Oy! Billy please........I wasn't even there yet, you know what I mean? I mean let's stick to the stories where at least I was a Sentient Being, eh? Maybe like more than 1-day old, fer instance? Whattya say? (chuckles)

AB: Right, my bad.

JC: Virgin birth....... I mean, yikes! No comment.

AB: Gotcha. Well I've alluded to the fact that your Christian Faith and Following has since grown into the, what, at least 100's of millions of True Believers around the globe.....
Do you feel vindicated after such a brief period of spreading the Word before your untimely, earthly, death?

JC: Of course I'm pleased with the way the stories have grown and if they've helped the World to be a better, safer, more loving place then I'm happy but I was always pretty sure about the Message so vindication is not really a term I'd care to use.
Having said that, however, when I think of how easy it all could've been today what with the Internets and YouTubes and MySpaces......Oy! It gives me a pain!
I mean We were walking! In cheap sandals or barefoot!
Miles and miles from dusty little village to drought-ridden run-down towns, if you can call them that when most didn't even have a simple, common marketplace to get a bite or anything, and lucky to scrounge up a couple of half-starved goat herders or 5 or 10 near-dead farmers who weren't too exhausted to listen to the Good News. Maybe a few lonely fisherman on their 1 day off a year was a big crowd for Us.
Talk about rolling the rock uphill!


3 million hits in one week for that Lady with the voice over in England? How can ya' go wrong?
I give up!
Forget about it!
Great set of pipes tho'. Fact.

AB: Quite a lot has changed. Was all the hiking the major difficulty of spreading your Message of Non-judgemental Love and Forgiveness throughout the Middle East back then?

JC: I wish...oh how I wish it were.

AB: The Romans?

JC: The Romans were no treat, lemme tell ya', they were building an Empire and they were gonna build it!
Slavery, torture, indiscriminate prosecution and murders.......what a collection of Hard-ons those guys. And try figuring out what they were gonna come up with next if you didn't want to sleep at night or get a moments peace.
And the taxes!
Trust me , you don't even know from taxes!

AB: So it was the Romans?

JC: no.........Billy, you know the main problem was and is the same hurdle we'd have to jump today. Ya' see Peace, Brotherly Love , Fairness, Forgiveness, Compassion, ........those are all tough, tough sells to the Money Men, then and now and that's really the nut buster right there.
And just try cutting into some shyster's established religious base sometime if you really wanna make your enemies line up with stones in their fists. can talk 'till you're blue in the face, don't get me started.

AB: I hear Ya'. But don't you think we could update the Message a little bit now.......give it some it up a bit, you know, just to sort of freshen up the Brand and get the Kids into the tent, so to speak?

JC: Bill, (beatific smile) have faith. I got this one.

AB: 'Nuff said. Well, I guess the burning question so many readers are dying to ask, or should I say questions, concern the Miracles.
Any objections?

JC: Bring it on, Kid.

(Part II to follow.)

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